Travel & Transport Jokes and Quotes

Drive slowly and enjoy the scenery; drive fast and join the scenery.

It's always the same: when you wash your car it rains, but washing your car to make it rain, never works.

I just killed my limousine driver. I don't know why because I have nothing to chauffeur it.

I call my car 'Flattery' – it gets me nowhere!

I used to resent being sent to boarding school as kid, but now I can get on a plane better than anyone else.

Get a bicycle. You will not regret it, if you live.

Mark Twain

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that's what gets you.

Jeremy Clarkson

The best time to visit Paris is between 18 and 34.

1 in 8 people admit falling asleep at the wheel. I’ve always said the London Eye is boring.

The Great Train robbers stole £2.5 million. Actually, it was more because they didn't have any tickets.

I was standing at the train station and the train came in so late that the driver had flowers in his hair and was singing 'Hey Jude'.

Today, I got so lost the GPS lady told me to, “stop and ask for directions.”

There are two kinds of cruises - pleasure and with children.

George Burns

If you ever rang the 'How's my driving?' number on the back of a lorry, you'd see the driver answering his mobile.

Like all great travellers, I have seen more than I remember, and remember more than I have seen.

Benjamin Disreali

Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance they use for the 'Black Box'?

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

You know that indestructible black box recorder used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same material?

Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip round the sun.

A friend of mine is a pilot, and we were going somewhere in his car, and for no reason at all he waited 45 minutes before pulling out of his driveway.

Steven Wright

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