Television Jokes and Quotes
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
New study reveals guests on daytime talk shows are mainly female. Of course most of them weren't born that way.
When Only Fools and Horses was first broadcast we thought it was documentary.
I saw Lee Majors, the bionic man, the other day.
He looked a million dollars...he's really let himself go.
Blackadder: Baldrick, have you no idea what irony is?
Baldrick: Yes, it's like goldy and bronzy only it's made out of iron.
Sometimes, I think I'm a genius. Then I realise I've already seen this episode of Mastermind.
Men don't care what is on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
We owe a lot to Thomas Edison - if it wasn't for him we'd be watching television by candlelight.
Noel Edmonds has been nominated for a BAFTA award. He must feel five feet tall.
Reality is for people who can't handle Star Trek.
The American people love the Home Shopping Network because it’s commercial-free.
There's an old TV show about two detectives who solve crimes over the phone. Star Key and Hash.
Apparently, Eskimos have 23 different Newsreaders called Jon Snow.
Decades later, the Happy Days gang would lose everything when Arthur talked them into investing in a Fonzi Scheme.
Regarding rumours of Marge Simpson ill health: I'll say it again: her face looks drawn.
There are always people worse off than you - people with no dignity, no self-respect. Just look at Jeremy Kyle. And the people on his show.
Television is a method to deliver advertising like a cigarette is a method to deliver nicotine.
I've just been watching the Antiques Roadshow, or Tomorrow's World as its known in Norwich.
Professor Brian Cox is so clever he knows exactly what should and what shouldn't go in his recycling bin.
There’s so much comedy on TV. Does that cause comedy on the streets?
When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle - they're on TV!