Size Jokes and Quotes

Size

WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.

Remember when phones were fat and people were thin?

I have the body of a God – Buddha.

My cousin is big because she always uses cheat codes on the Wii Fit.

That awkward moment when a fat person says, "That's how I roll".

They say that not 'cleaning your plate' is the best way to lose weight.
I haven’t done dishes in months but I’m still up 20 pounds.

Yo manna's so fat you could print her picture and use it as a paperweight.

I'm no fat just easy to see.

What do we want? A cure for obesity!
When do we want it? After dinner!

That awkward moment when a fat person says, "That's how I roll"

You'd make a good burglar, your arse would wipe out your footprints.

My wife lost two stones swimming. Don't know how. I tied them round her neck tight enough.

Les Dawson

Subway is now the largest fast food chain but McDonald's still has the largest fast food customers.

Apparently I'm tall for my height.

I'm not saying she's fat but if I was to pick five of the fattest people I know, she'd be three of them.

Even fat people can go skinny-dipping.

Weight-loss tip: Throw away the lip gloss, use super glue instead!

My wife just asked me "Do my ankles look fat?"
I replied "What ankles?"

Even fat people can go skinny-dipping.

Never trust a thin chef.

In 2002 an asteroid missed the Earth by just 75,000m. How much damage would it have done? Imagine Eamon Holmes high diving into a paddling pool.

Jimmy Carr

Two fat people buried in one grave: the plot thickens.

Movie description : Mission Impossible 4 : Tom Cruise tries to see what's on top of the fridge.

When a jockey retires he becomes just another little man.

If someone calls me fat, I don't get angry. I just turn the other chin.

Jo Brand

How did you guess my favourite number just by looking at me? Yes, you're right it is 3.14159265

Those obese people who sued MacDonalds for making them fat and lost, are suing again. Yes, they're going back for seconds.

He's so fat he could sell shade.

The trouble with dancing is not everything stops when the music does.

I'm not fat, I'm just hard to kidnap.

Your bum is so big it must be carried around in a suitcase.

Obese kids have just got very slow metabolisms and very fast chip-eating hands

Obesity is now a problem in the navy. They’ve created a new rank: Really Big Rear Admiral.

Let your large mahogany-tanned stomach be more than a funnel to your teensy leopardskin Speedos.

German proverb

Are those your own feet? Or are you breaking them in for a clown.

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