Relationships Jokes and Quotes - II
I've got a lot of alternative friends. Or enemies as I call them.
I'm single by choice. Not my choice.
Relationships are like fat people, most of them do not work out.
I'll always be best friends because you already know too much.
I just read that last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don’t want to start any trouble, but shouldn’t that be an even number?
When a man says, 'fine', he means everything is fine. When a woman says 'fine' she means, 'I am really ticked off, and you have to find out why'.
I come from a small town whose population never changes. Each time a woman gets pregnant, a man leaves town.
Tips for success with women: Tip #1 - Don't be ugly.
You never really know a man until you have divorced him.
Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
When I asked her father for her hand, he said, “Take the whole girl or nothing.”
The wedding is where two people become one. The marriage is where they decide which one.
A bride's attitude towards her betrothed can be summed up in three words: aisle, alter, hymn.
a happily married man is one who understands every word which his wife didn't say.
When Buzz Aldrin got divorced for the third time, his wife was over the moon.
When she told me I was average, she was just being mean.
I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common?
My favourite type of woman is one would go out with me. Twice.
Many a man own his success to his first wife,
and his second wife to his success.
My ex-boyfriend can round last night, which was weird because I didn't know he was in a coma.
Written over a mirror in the gents toilet:‘No wonder you always go home alone’.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?...outlaws are wanted.
Wedding rings are bad for your circulation.
The best thing about you and me, is me.
Advise to single girls – don’t look for a husband, look for a bachelor.
I honestly thought my marriage would work because me and the wife did share a sense of humour. We had to really, because she didn't have one.
I'm now in a 'long distance relationship', which is very tough.
I live in London, and she lives in the future.
Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
When a woman says "we need to talk," why is it never about football?
My wife says that I don't listen to her, or something like that.
I got a horse for my wife. I thought it was a fair swap.
We're here to celebrate a love match, pure and simple; Charlotte's pure and Toby's... a very nice guy.
People have one thing in common: they are all different.
Just back from the International Date Line, complete waste of time, worst matchmaking service ever.