Pun Jokes and Quotes
It's true that a good pun is it’s own reword.
How did I escape Iraq? Iran
Fishermen are reel men.
My teacher said I was average, I told him that's just mean.
Maths puns are the first sine of madness.
The Lawn Tennis Association's website has a fault they are having problems with their server.
Beauty is in the eye of the beerholder.
Let me correct you - the London Underground is not a political movement.
Lawyers are like rhinoceroses: thick-skinned, short-sighted and always ready to charge.
Old professor's never die. They just lose their faculties.
I was given the sack at work today. Well that's what happens when your a postman.
I stooped to pick a buttercup. Why people leave buttocks lying around, I've no idea.
A committee is a group of people who keep minutes and lose hours.
I missed today's Hairdressing Championships, can anyone tell me if there were any highlights?
I call my house Lautrec because it's got two loos.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
A man walks into a bar – ouch – it was an iron bar.
I've just stolen loads of swimming inflatables. I'd better lilo.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.
What does Santa do with fat elves? Send then to an elf farm.
How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizza? Deep pan crisp and even.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He couldn't budget.
I was bullied at school. Every day big boys smothered me in chocolate and stuck cherries on my head. Life was tough in the gateaux.
Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.
What's a Hindu? It lays eggs.
I don't regard being a toastmaster a job, it's more a calling.
Knock knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? Don't cry. It's only a joke.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? I Dunnop. I dunnop who? Phew, I thought there was a smell!
If you want to be a coroner be prepared for a stiff examination.
Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils.
It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.
People who believe in ghosts are very ghoulable.
I got chatting to a lumberjack in a pub. He seemed like a decent feller.
I had a ploughman’s lunch the other day. He punch me.