Political Jokes and Quotes
I generally don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
Ours is a government of checks and balances. The Mafia and crooked businessmen make out checks, and the politicians and other compromised officials improve their bank balances.
Spin doctors never call a spade a spade. They proclaim it as a ground-breaking innovation.
You can tell monopoly is an old game because there's a luxury tax and rich people can go to jail.
Nick Clegg has come out fighting this week and if there’s one man you don't want to make angry it is this spineless Lib Dem doormat.
What this country needs is more unemployed politicians.
I think it will be a clash between the political will and the administrative won't.
At school, David Cameron struggled at "cross country running". He's still struggling at that now.
Politicians should serve two terms. One in office, one in prison.
It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.
Diplomacy is letting someone else have your way.
Why does the Marxist only drink herbal tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
We hang petty thieves and appoint the great one to public office.
Sociologists have documented this. Here are the stages of a scandal: First you have the denial, then you have the tearful confession, then it's resignation, and then you appear on 'Dancing With the Stars.'
Democracy means government by discussion, but is only effective if you can stop people talking.
The punishment for those who are too smart to engage in politics is to be governed by those who are dumber.
No matter who you vote for the government always seems to get in.
Freedom of speech is wonderful – right up there with the freedom not to listen.
Bureaucracy defends the status quo long after the quo has lost it's status.
It's useless to hold a person to anything he says while he's in love, drunk, or running for office.
It was so cold last week that even the politicians were walking around with their hands in their own pockets.
Politicians and nappies have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
So David Cameron is going to use credit rating firms to root out benefit cheats. While he is at it, why not get in touch with Ocean Finance to consolidate the budget deficit into one easy monthly payment?
If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.
I like to annoy my Israeli flatmate by giving him any post that's just addressed to 'The Occupier'.
Talk is cheap except when Parliament does it.
Britain has invented a new missile. It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.
The Upper Crust are a bunch of crumbs sticking together.
My local councillor tried to prosecute me for selling goods in pounds and ounces. So I beat him within 2.54cm of his life.
Communist: one who has yearnings for equal division of unequal earnings. He forks out his penny for the shilling in your pocket.
If Donald Trump ever did become president, he'll put a wig on his plane and call it Hair Force One.
Policy cross-dressing is rampant and a feature of modern politics that will stay.
Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxis and cutting hair.
Politics is Hollywood for ugly people.
Chester is the historic Cheshire city whose good people once returned Gyles Brandreth as an MP. And who can blame them?
Nelson Mandela: He’s been out of prison for 16 years and hasn’t reoffended. I think he’s going straight. Which shows you, prison works.
Donald Trump is running for president and he just released his birth certificate. It lists his eyes as 'blue' and his hair as 'ridiculous.'
I had a cursory glance at the new 'UK crime maps'. There's a glitch in the system, as it's not showing massive amount of crime committed at Downing Street.
Ban censorship.
The prime minister held a meeting with the cabinet today. He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the chest of drawers.
The largest turnout at elections is always where there is only one candidate.
Suggs is marching against racism and homophobia. It's Madness gone politically correct.
Death is the most convenient time to tax rich people.
It is clear our nation is reliant upon big foreign oil. More and more of our imports come from overseas.
Wooing the press is akin to picnicking with a tiger. You may enjoy the meal, but the tiger always eats last.
The forest fires are the worst disaster in California since I was elected.
Short-Jokes-Quotes.com © 2011-2013