New Year, New Gym

New year gym resolutions

I’m opening a new gym called “Resolutions”. It will have exercise equipment for the first two weeks, and then turn into a bar.

Organised Crime

father-son-organised-crime

A crook is a businessman without an office.

Monopoly-is-an-old-game

“Death is the most convenient time to tax rich people.” ~ David Lloyd George

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

When a man tells you that he got rich by hard work, ask him whose.

Government-censorship

“A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to.” ~ Laurence Peter

You’ve got problem? So has everyone else. Here’s your straw – suck it up.

You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat then she’s probably slightly upset.

Dear LOL, thanks for being there when I’ve nothing to say

My Dearest Wallet – Before Valentine’s Day, After Valentine’s Day

If your birthday is on Valentine’s day, just so you know, your postman probably thinks you’re a slag.

Some people are like Slinkies…not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.