Insulting Jokes and Quotes - II
We are using the word 'guru' only because 'charlatan' is too long to fit into a headline.
The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
His animal impressions are particularly good. He not only does sounds, but smells as well.
Goodbye, Mr Zanuck: it certainly had been a pleasure working at 16th Century Fox.
People say he was ruthlessly professional. But I say he was professionally ruthless.
Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
You remind me of my Chinese friend...Ug Lee.
He's so mean he told his children that the tooth fairy had been kidnapped by dental extremists.
Mum only ever uses the cooker to light her fags off.
He's on a charm offensive – Well he struggles with the charm but manages the offensive.
He's an antique in search of a period, a snob in search of a class.
A window of opportunity for him usually involves a brick.
His table manners give vultures a bad name.
He's been delayed by a full-length mirror.
The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
Did you buy that shirt in the Chernobyl branch of Burtons?
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
Clothes by a man who doesn't know women, never had one, and dreams of being one!
Your perfume could be flammable. Now what if somebody shuts you down as a safety hazard, how would you feel?
If your mind goes blank, don't forget to turn off the sound.
I told a girl she drew her eyebrows on too high; she looked pretty surprised.
Best wishes for a happy and successful first marriage.
It's tempting to call him a clown. But I'd fear a writ from the Union of Circus Performers for disparaging their trade.
To err is human, but to really screw things up you need a financial adviser.
I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.
Thou eunuch of language. Thou pickle-herring in the puppet show of nonsense.
He's not got over the shock and betrayal of when Michael Bolton shaved off his mullet.
It turns out your not dyslexic, your just really stupid.
You dance like a coma victim being stood up and zapped with a cattle prod.
She has the memory of an elephant, and the body to match.
My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out 10.
The other 2 guys jumped clear.
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