Insulting Jokes and Quotes
I drank from the fountain of knowledge, you just gargled.
The last thing I want to do is insult you, but it's a pretty short list.
They used to be called 'jumpolines' until your Mom jumped on one in 1972.
Touch every third person, and you'll find an idiot.
Scientists say the world is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention morons.
I miss you like an old man's urine stream misses the toilet.
Why don’t you slip into something a little more comfy, like a coma?
I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed person.
Oh, I'm sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours?
It would be great if people who wear camouflage clothing were less visible.
If at first you don't succeed then maybe you should do it the way I told you in the beginning.
I did not hit you - I simply high-fived your face.
I still love nature, despite what it did to you.
Bores can be divided into two classes; those who have their own particular subject, and those who do not need a subject.
It was a three-star hotel – I could see them through the roof.
Reading isn't an occupation we encourage among police officers. We like to keep the paperwork down to a minimum.
Tom spent years trying to find a cure for his halitosis and acne only to find that people didn’t like him anyway.
A healthy male bore consumes, each year, more than one and half times his own weight in other people's patience.
You have a face for radio, a voice for mime and a body you could grow tomatoes off.
Sorry, but you'll probably end up being the human shield of our group.
Swinburne has now said not only all he has to say about everything , but all he has to say about nothing.
1 in 4 people suffer from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.
I don't know what your problem is, but I bet it's hard to pronounce.
Roberts always had to be one up on you. If you said you went to Tenerife for your holidays, he's say he'd been to Elevenerife.
The only vegetable she's ever grown is a couch potato.
I am righteously indignant; you are annoyed; he is making a fuss about nothing.
Remember to take your pizza out of the box before you put it in the oven.
Think of us as ships deserting a sinking rat.
I've got a soft spot for her – a swamp at the bottom of my garden.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
You're a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
For those of you who missed it first time, here's a golden opportunity to miss it again.
I do desire we may be better strangers.
Burkoff once again proves triumphantly that the last three letter of his name are superfluous.
The covers of his book are too far apart.
You have a face for radio, a voice for mime and a body you could grow tomatoes off.
A swashbuckling performance that buckles more often than swashing.
I am sitting in the smallest room of my house. Your review is before me. In a moment, it will be behind me.
Never finished reading a book, yet somehow, has managed to write an autobiography.
A difficult man to forget. But worth the effort.
A man of hidden talents. When we find one we will let you know.
I can't seem to remember your name. Don't help me.
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
Some village somewhere is missing it’s idiot.
Jehovah's Witnesses will not participation in Hallowe'en trick or treating. I don't know if it's part of their religion. I guess they just don't like it when strangers knock on their doors and disturb them.
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
It's obvious from your silly name that your parents smoked pot.
I don't take orders from you, you're just a figure-head and I've seen better ones on the sharp end of a dredger.
Short-Jokes-Quotes.com © 2011-2013