Insightful Jokes and Quotes
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
The greatest oak was once a little nut who held its ground.
The main purpose of education is to keep them off the streets – the teachers, I mean.
Here's a tip: Always take your shirt off before you iron it.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
A man without a smiling face must not open a shop.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember: it didn't work for the rabbit.
Beauty comes from within. Within jars, tubes, bottles and compacts.
Never moon a werewolf.
“Easy” is a word you use to describe other people’s jobs.
Success is a matter of luck. Ask any failure.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
There is no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you all about it?
The surest way to be out of fashion tomorrow is to be in the forefront of it today.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Where there's a will there's a lawsuit.
The average pencil is seven inches long, with just a half-inch eraser - in case you thought optimism was dead.
When you say that you agree with something in principle, it means that you have not the slightest intention of carrying it out in practice.
Fur is a subject that makes sensitive toes curl in their leather shoes.
If a little knowledge is dangerous, where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger?
Gambling is an excellent way of getting nothing for something.
The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application>
Never do your enemy a minor injury.
I'm a philosopher. I think.