History Jokes and Quotes

It's a little known fact that 'the tan' became popular during what is know as the Bronze Age.

If history repeats itself then I really want a dinosaur.

Adam was the only man not to have a mother-in-law. And he lived in paradise.

I remember when I played Noah in a school play. Ah, those memories are flooding back.

Moses dragged the Jews through the desert for forty years to bring us to the one place in the Middle East where there was no oil.

Golda Meir

The top ice cream manufacturer in Biblical times was Walls of Jericho.

Actually there were four wise men on the way to Bethlehem.
One of them said he knew a shortcut.

The Romans struggled to depict Scotland.

The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had to first learn Latin.

We know the Dark Ages was caused by the Y1K problem.

1066 Daily ChainMail Headline:
King Harold blames eye infection on illegal immigrants.

Galileo invented the telescope and then, about five minutes later, invented spying on his neighbours.

Breaking News: Archaeologists digging at the site of Shakespeare's house have uncovered thousands of monkey skeletons.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

George Burns

Teacher : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Student : "Because George still had the axe in his hand!"

Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.

Abraham Lincoln was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands.

A war hasn't been fought this badly since Olaf the Hairy, high chief of all the Vikings, accidentally ordered 80,000 battle helmets with the horns on the inside.

Blackadder

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

Some people are always late, like the late King George V.

Spike Milligan

As Captain Oates said: 'There's never a minicab around when you need one.'

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

I remember where I was when I heard Kennedy was shot. I was at home, sat down listening to the news.

You know what was odd about 9/11? The numbers 9 and 11.

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