Business Jokes and Quotes
In business remember that nobody can do your thinking for you. Remember I taught you that.
If Thomas Edison went to business school, we would all be reading by bigger candles.
I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.
Sorry to here that daylight savings is the only savings you have left.
In other news, Sweden's credit rating has been downgraded from AAA to ABBA.
Q: Which one of our natural resources will become exhausted first?
A: The Taxpayer.
I've written books on advertising – cheque books.
I am having an out of money experience.
I used to have two employees in my fart cushion business, but I had to let one go.
It is easier to rob by setting up a bank than by holding up a bank
Financial markets have a very safe way of predicting the future. They cause it.
For some time I've been speculating on commodities: heavily buying into both the Coffee and Chocolate markets.
It's unfortunate we can't buy many business executives for what they are worth and sell them for what they think they are worth.
The same people who laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously.
I never touched Elvis's money. He got his half.
My bank lets me send a text message and it'll text back with my balance. It's a cool feature but I didn't think the LOL was necessary.
True wealth is not comparing yourself to others, but enjoying what you have. Especially when you have more than everyone else.
Whenever I go near a bank I get withdrawal symptoms.
A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
If at first you don't succeed: try management.
The Egyptian financial markets are riddled with Pyramid schemes.
They have two tellers in my bank, except when it's busy they have one.
The only way to make killing on the stock market is to shot your broker.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.
Economics is the only profession where you can gain great eminence without ever being right.
I wish the buck stopped here. I could use a few.
A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
Win your lawsuit: lose your money.
A successful lawsuit is one worn by a policeman.
An economist is someone who, by looking out of the rear window of a car, can tell the driver where he is going.
By the time I’ve paid for this furniture, it will be antique.
Our furniture goes back to Louis XIV, unless we pay Louis before the 14th.
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