Art Jokes and Quotes

Explaining why something is art is like explaining why a joke is funny.

They couldn't find the artist so they hung the picture.

Frank Zappa

The "earth" without "art" is just "eh."

I think I may be a talented photographer. I took just one photo with my camera phone and it asked me if I wanted to open a gallery.

Photographers are violent people. First they frame you, then they shoot you, then they hang you on the wall.

Artists do not steal. But they do borrow without giving back.

Ned Rorem

Instead of admitting you signed up for a lifetime of poverty and despair, just call yourself a writer.

A modern artist is someone who paints on a canvas, wipes it off with a cloth, and then sells the cloth.

Is there a newspaper in Central America called "El Salvador Daily"?

Damien Hurst is an artist who transforms a pickled bovine into a cash cow.

If you've really got to have a spray tan then make sure it's given by Banksy.

Haiku about getting out of bed:
no no no no no,
no no no no no no no,
no no no no no.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from statues that are missing from all the other museums.

I don't do jokes about graphic designers. I draw the line at that.

Jane Austen was in fact a man. A huge Yorkshireman with a beard like a rhododendron bush.

Blackadder

Visual artists are easelly inspired.

The photographer is like the cod, which produces a million eggs in order that one may reach maturity.

George Bernard Shaw

I come from a long line of actors. It’s called the dole queue.

The poet Rainer Rilke said that answers are less important than good questions. Oh, really?

The play was a great success but the audience was a failure.

Acting is a minor of gift; after all, Shirley Temple could do it when she was four.

If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?

Jerry Seinfeld

Last night I dreamt I was writing 'Lord of the Rings'. Turns out I was Tolkien in my sleep.

David Copperfield's greatest trick was getting Charles Dickens to write a book about him before he was born.

Nobody goes to the theatre unless they have bronchitis.

Whether an illustrator is successful or not is all based on the look of the draw.

I haven't seen choreography that stiff since the Lee Harvey Oswald prison transfer.

Dennis Miller

The windmill was invented for the sole purpose of filling up the blank bits in the back of 16th Century Flemish paintings.

Alan Coren

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